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We Grow Accustomed to the Familiar

We Grow Accustomed to the Familiar
If we see something once, it catches our attention. We wonder, "Gee, what is that?" We stare at it, wrinkle our brows in confusion, or ask someone else if they know what it is. If we can't figure out what it is, it bothers us. We worry about it. We think about it after we are no longer near it. Thoughts about it come to us later and continue to perplex us.

However, if we realize that it's just a dog, or a chair, or a shadow, we are instantly at ease. In fact, we may even stop thinking about it at that very instant. It slips our mind and we move on to one of the hundreds of more important things we have to get done.

When we pass the same object day after day, we stop seeing it. We know there's a stop sign at the end of our block, so we just automatically stop there every morning on the way to work. We don't actually notice the stop sign any more. We may pass a certain mother who waits with her child every day at a particular bus stop. After the first 17 times you pass them, you no longer even pay them any mind. When just get used to those things that we see over and over. The familiar. We stop noticing the familiar.

That is very important. If we had to notice every object in our environment, label every sound we hear, figure out where each and every smell is coming from, and mentally name absolutely everything we encounter all day long, not only would we never get anything accomplished, life would be quite boring and mundane. We'd spend all day, every day, just learning how to drive a car. What a waste of time! Therefore, it is very important for us to get used to the familiar so we don't have to label it every time we see it.

However, this can work to our disadvantage as well. Let's say we pass some young men standing on the street corner one day. We've never seen them before. They're new. New things bother us. We wonder, "What are those kids doing there?" "Are they going to school?" "Do their parents know they're here?" "Are they maybe selling drugs?" After we get to our destination, we may think about them another time or two. The notion of what they might be up to may continue to plague us while we're at work.

The next day, there they are again, doing the same thing, whatever that is. We wonder again what they're up to. We wonder again if their parents know they're there, but now we catch ourselves thinking that their parents must know where they are. We figure they're probably waiting for the bus to go to school and we still sorta wonder if they might be selling drugs.

After several weeks, you'll probably find yourself waving to those young gentlemen as you drive by. You know, the ones whose parents know they are there, the ones that are waiting for the school bus. You have already decided they can't possibly be selling drugs in your neighborhood because you live in a good neighborhood. In fact, you may have already convinced yourself that they are all members of the church choir and that they're standing out on that corner to practice their songs.

Months later, you will have gotten so used to them that you will not even notice them. Not 'till they're gone, that is. You'll say, "Hey, where are those choir boys?" "Where are those nice kids that used to practice their church songs on the corner?" Meanwhile, two of them are in a juvenile detention center and the third is in a drug rehab program because their parents finally figured out where they've been all this time.

Familiarity is a necessary convenience, but don't ever forget that our own minds will fill in any missing information with whatever seems like the best explanation for things and 'best' is not always 'correct.'

--

Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.

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www.drmarlo.com
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Posted on September 15, 2005