Ahwatukee Living’s Ask the Experts

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50 years - What's Your Secret?

Ever see those old people in the grocery stores, you know, the ones that are all wrinkly and hunched over and they walk slow and they don’t see so well, and they look a little frail or weak, but when you look at them, really look at them, they’re having a ball?

You’ve seen them, a little old man and a little old lady, dressed in plaids that would make most golfers blush, him with black socks up to his knees, with sandals, her with her pants pulled up to her armpits and yet, both of them giggling and laughing and walking arm in arm like a couple of school children.

You wonder to yourself, how can they be so happy when they’re so cotton-pickin’ old? You guess that they must be on a mountain of medication, can’t do half of what they used to be able to do, a quarter of their friends have already died, and what on earth could they possibly be so happy about?

Well, I’ll tell you. Old married people generally are happy, aches and pains and creaks and groans and all. When you’ve managed your first couple of foundation years, passed your 7-year hurtle, raised children from infancy to adulthood to parenthood, gone from stock boy to stock broker to partner, and are now back in the same sized home you started out in 52 years ago, chances are, you’re happy.

Surveys repeatedly show that married people are happier than single and divorced people, regardless of age, race, or social status. That seems to be common sense, of course people would be happier to be with someone than to be alone. However, there’s more to it than just that. Any man and woman can get married, there’s proof of that everywhere, but it really takes a great deal of work to stay married and the couples that do the hard work are the ones that reap all the benefits.

What’s the secret of staying married 50 years? Ask someone who’s done it. I have never failed to get exquisitely wise, yet simple, answers when I ask happy, married, old people that question. Additionally, they are always very happy to answer. We all love to share good news and they’ve got some to share. So, don’t be shy. Next time you see that elderly couple carrying on and being romantic in the post office, just ask them what’s their secret. I’ll bet they’ll tell you.

Posted on January 17, 2005