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The Art of Negotiation

Living Inline Newsletter August 23rd, 2004

The dictionary definition of negotiation is : to discuss with the goal of finding terms of agreement. Unfortunately, in our world today, many people interpret negotiation as being the skill of persuading other people to accept their own point of view. When it is said of a man (He's a good negotiator) ; it usually means that he gets the best of the deal or that he forces his will upon others.

At Living Inline, we have found that it is very unattractive to ever use the powers of intimidation.

Whether it is sharing our ideal care plans with our practice members, or helping a coaching client succeed in their business, the goal is never to overpower other people, or talk them into anything.

Frequently when we help a coaching client hammer out the details of a deal, and the deal is struck to the advantage of one party and the detriment of the other, seeds of disagreement and retaliation are sown, which can have unforeseen future results. A better way to negotiate is to think of the laws of service.

We often find pleasure in finding out what the needs are of the person we are serving, and figuring out a way to collaboratively meet their needs. Now, this does not mean that we personally meet everyone’s needs for that creates the situation of us trying to be a jack of all trades, and master of none. However, if we can help another’s needs get met through our skill set, resources, contacts, enthusiasm, experience and know-how, then we reassured to add value to another’s life.

With purposeful effort, it is surprising how frequently this can be done, and we can most assuredly fulfill the dictionary definition of reaching an agreement of mutual accord.

The first rule is: Do not force or emphasize your motives on other people. Find out what they want. It is so logical for us to have such a high regard for our own opinions and motives that we assume that any other intelligent person must think the same way. Wrong

For example we have coached people in the field of real estate and an example of negotiation can be between a buyer and seller. If the buying group has money as its only motive, it is logical to conclude that this is also the predominant motive of the seller. However, people choose to sell or are forced into it for all sorts of reasons: 1.) Ill health, 2.) Partners fighting, 3.) Divorce, 4.) Family problems, and 5.) the wish to retire. All of these we have seen, and there are many others as well.

This example is from the field of business, but the requirements to reach agreements, and the opportunity for solving problems while helping others to achieve their goals, takes place daily in our lives. It can involve family, friends, clients, employees, students -- the list is endless. It is all the more challenging, and therefore, all the more gratifying if a successful conclusion is reached when there are personal relationships amongst the parties involved, each with a stake in the outcome and each with a different need.

The art of negotiation is a valuable skill to teach members of a family, including children. Take a simple example of family members trying to decide about evening plans. Challenge each person to suggest an idea which would, as much as possible, be something to which everyone could agree. It may not work out just as one would like every time but if the idea is reinforced, if people try to sensitize themselves to discern the needs and emotions of others, and if they really listen, desirable solutions can be achieved far more frequently. What may seem at first completely adversarial positions can be worked out so that the opposing parties become allies in achieving a mutual goal.

The art of negotiation may apply with others or even with ourselves. Maybe we are our own biggest adversary and we maybe we have to ask how this costs us of our life vitality and strength?

It is very gratifying when you can find a solution which meets everyone's needs whether it is in relation to buying a piece of property, solving one’s health or relationship challenges, or simply deciding which movie to attend.

Negotiation takes place nearly every day of our lives and if we can approach this topic from a place of service and honor as opposed to intimidation and will, it is truly possible for all members involved to win.

Now that sounds like a sound agreement. Indeed.

Our Warmest Regards and our Sincere,Appreciation,

Jason and Elissa!
Living Inline
480-704-2787
www.livinginline.com

Posted on August 25, 2004